I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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