Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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