Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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