Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
