I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
