that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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