So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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