I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So squirting runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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