I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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