I just saw a hot homeless man
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
