remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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