I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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