No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
