Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
