Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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