I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
