I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
