you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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