I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
