how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
