He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
