My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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