I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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