I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
This is not my ceiling
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
