"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
