the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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