Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
