Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
