Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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