Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
