oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
