He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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