There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
