Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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