I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Couch. On fire.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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