I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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