Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Pants are for mortals
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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