FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
