I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
