I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
