Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
