y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
