I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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