Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
