I heard we made out
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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