Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
