Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Me too!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My dick has a subreddit
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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