I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
