New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize