My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize