I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
