how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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