I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
