i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
