At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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