I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
