Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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