Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
