My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
