Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
