i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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