ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
