Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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