I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
