Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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