Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
