Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
