If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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